Two to Tango

I have mentioned just once in the company of my fellow man that I am pregnant and so far I have been given or offered two books, a bunch of magazines, a bag of maternity clothes and tons of unsolicited and mostly conflicting advice.

My husband has mentioned that I am pregnant to just about all of creation and no one has offered him a thing. That just doesn't seem right.

It takes two to tango, after all, and he's in the same boat as I am. I seem to be doing most of the rowing at the moment, that's true. But his job as navigator is just as important. And since I'm the one who is clearly busy at the moment you'd think all these offers and gifts would be directed at the one whose hands are free. But no, they look right through him. He's just a guy. None of the parenting books and magazines are even really geared towards him. Because, you know, he's going to be the father. Fathers bring home the bacon. They don't cook it. Fathers coach Little League. They don't change diapers. And fathers hold the newborn after it's born. They don't have anything to do with the nine months it took to bear it.

I don't buy it. I would never have embarked on this adventure at all if my husband had not only agreed but reassured me time and time again that I wouldn't be in the boat alone. I don't feel that I am pregnant, all by myself, with the guy who started it waiting on the sidelines while I bask in the glow of pregnancy and soak in all the sudden attention. I feel that we are pregnant, as much as that is biologically impossible, and I don't think it's right or fair for people to pass over him and focus solely on my rounding belly. I am more than a vessel with a fetus, and my husband is more than just the sperm which got us here. Treat me like a person, treat him like pregnant partner, and stop, for godsake, offering me random manuals on child care. Children don't come with off buttons, you can't set their time, and they certainly don't come with manuals which neatly describe every possible behavior with an easy to use troubleshooting guide at the end.

There's no map for the navigator either, and no instructions on how to efficiently row this boat. We're just going where it seems best.