Ready...Set....no?

Okay! Today's the day! Out you go!

Oh well... I guess not. Although technically as I write this there are still six and a half hours left to today, so it's still possible if not particularly probable.

Luckily there have been millions of years of pregnancies and remedies for this very problem, so we can begin to work on those natural ways to induce labor. Which, if they don't actually do anything, will at least keep all those hormonal overdue pregnant women busy and off the streets. Here's a sampling:

Go for a bumpy ride: Great! I live in New England and it's spring time, otherwise known as Frost Heave Season. My entire commute is bumpy! All I have to do is get in the car to go anywhere and I'll be in labor in no time!

Go for a walk: Why walking will suddenly induce labor now that I'm overdue and didn't before baffles me. How do they think I transported myself for nine months? By Segway?

Eat Spicy Foods: Perhaps this one comes about in the mistaken belief that heartburn and gas are connected in any way to the reproductive system. In any case I'd have to down entire case of Tabasco sauce to notice the effect, as spicy and I have an ongoing competition to see who'll beat who. So far I've been winning this competition, and Stanley's been in on part of the ride. Me and Stanley can best any spicy food.

Have Sex: Neat! What got us into this predicament can also get us out! Of course, having sex is maybe the last thing on our minds right now. But at least it will pass the time.

Perhaps if none of these work, pure ornery Fate will have a hand in the outcome, as apparently they've started a pool at work on when I'll go. Hopefully Fate will pick a random date within this pool that is sooner rather than later, and hopefully my co-workers will have mercy on me and not pick dates too far out into the future. Because as much as this whole pregnant thing has been an adventure, it's time to disembark now.