Buying for Baby

Today I was paid a backhanded compliment by a co-worker who told me that I didn't walk like a pregnant woman.

Thanks, I didn't say, and may I just say that you don't walk like a chicken?

Unlike alot of first time parents we have not yet really gotten into buying things for our newborn. We know, for instance, that Stanley will need some type of surface to sleep on, but we were unprepared for the overwhelming choices of furniture presented to us by this simple need. There's cradles, bassinets and cribs, not to mention pack and plays and play pens. When it comes to cribs you can get a convertible crib which will break down into a daybed later, or if you get really fancy you can eventually convert it into a full double bed (from birth to marriage, is perhaps the point?) For entertainment there are bouncers, swingers and walkers, the practical difference being completely lost on us other than the obvious, that bouncers bounce and swingers swing. Perhaps the most perplexing part for me is the startling variety of outfits with which to clothe your little miracle, for the 48 hours it takes them to grow out of said outfit, anyway. Is this stuff really for the baby, or for the parents?

My ultimate favorite though, is this product. How cruel we've all been lo these millions of years, to use unheated diaper wipes on our children. Imagine the psychological damage wrought on all of us. No wonder society is at such a perilous crossroads. Thank god someone has finally put a stop to the insanity.