It was New Year's Eve, and we'd seen a circus, a taiko performance, some fireworks and a bunch of Loony Tunes cartoons, all part of First Night in Burlington, VT. Sydney had been going strong all day but there we were, napless, trying to eat dinner in a small Korean restaurant. One of the cartoons had made a big impression on her.
"I want to go in a rocket ship with Mommy and Bugs Bunny!" she said, restlessly toying with a dumpling.
"Okay!" I said, glad to have some kind of distraction that did not involve throwing food. "First, we need a countdown!" And I counted down from 10 to 1. Sydney was obviously anticipating the next maneuver, so with great gusto I lifted her out of her chair and made rocket noises at the same time.
Instead of giggling happily, she burst into hysterical tears.
"NO!" she cried between hiccups, "I wanted to go in a real one!" And she collapsed onto my shoulder with great, shuddering sobs.
Which is just as well, since I was suddenly overcome with hysterical laughter, even over my horror at unintentionally bursting her bubble.
Welcome to reality, kid.
Gently as I could, I explained that we couldn't go in a real one, at least not right now, and that she perhaps might like to practice first? Maybe go to astronaut school? Maybe someday when she was older and had gone to astronaut school, she could go in a real one. A few moments later she collapsed into a puddle on my lap and fell deeply asleep. So started Sydney's 2010.
We have these heartbreaking moments of disappointment more frequently now, as Sydney realizes more and more that the whole world is not actually revolving around her, that things can't always happen right now, that even fun things come to an end. We try to tread the fine line of not giving her false hope and also not breaking her spirit, and sometime we succeed, and sometimes we don't. It depends on the day, or maybe just the moment.
At any rate it's certainly not all bad. Today I came home to be greeted by an obviously excited child who couldn't wait to tell me about her day.
"We ate lunch in a gondola!!" she cried.
It's not a spaceship, but maybe it's just as good.
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2 comments:
I'm not sure how to write this comment, I being a 13-year-old girl, but your child seems amazing. This post really opened my eyes. Even though I am only 13, I saw the parents perspective for a chance. I now notice that when I say to my mother "What would you say if I took a year off before college?" and she replies "As long as you are supporting yourself and will go to college, I'm fine." That it means a lot. Thank you
Thanks for writing--I think the most important thing to remember both when you're trying to parent and you're being parented is that everyone is just trying to navigate the world. And it's a really big, sometimes complicated, sometimes completely messed up world.
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