Be vewy vewy caheful...

I went to my first pre-natal appointment and was told by the registered nurse that I could not do the following:

1) Eat deli meat, hot dogs, soft cheeses, or tuna fish
2) Drink acohol
3) Touch a cat
4) Play softball
5) Drive a motorcycle

I pressed her on items 1,3, 4,5. We've already surrendered on item number 2.

Item number one: Why can't I eat these things that I love?

Answer: Bacteria accumulates on food which is left out for too long. Tuna has too much mercury.

Me: So it's not about the food itself, but where it is and how it's prepared or where it's taken from.

Answer: Well.... yes.

Me: So I can eat deli meat. I just have to be sure the deli hasn't left it out for longer than they're supposed to. And I can have tuna as long as it is certified to be mercury free. So really, these are not things I should just not do while pregnant, it's things that people should do in general. Right?

Answer: Well, yes, ideally...

Me: So why not tell me this important health news before I was pregnant?

Item number 3: So you just said that toxoplasmosis is bad for the fetus?

Answer: Yes. If you go to someone's house with a cat, just ask them to put the cat in another room.

Me: But you just said it was okay if I had a cat, just not to touch the litter.

Answer: Well, yes...

Me: Am I somehow more likely to get it from someone else's cat?

Answer: Well, no...

Me: And just how common is it for babies to be born with a defect caused by toxoplasmosis, anyway?

Answer: Well, actually... pretty rare.

Me: So it's really not an issue.

Answer: I guess not.

Item number 4: What do you have against softball?

Answer: You could get hit by the ball directly in the stomach, and that could cause miscarriage.

Me: I have never been hit directly in the stomach in my life. In fact, I'm more likely to get hit in the head; I'm the catcher. And I have softball tournament this weekend, and I intend to play in it.

Answer: Well at this stage it would have to be a hit the equivalent of a car crash to cause any harm, so I guess it's okay...

Me: You mean hard enough to cause internal damage?

Answer: Yes..

Me: Well in that case don't you think I'd have bigger things to worry about?

Answer: I guess....

Item number 5: I guess you noticed I rode my bike to this appointment.

Answer: Yes, I really think that you shouldn't drive a motorcycle while pregnant.

Me: Why not?

Answer: Well if you were to fall or be in a crash, it could cause a miscarriage.

Me: Well I certainly don't want to crash. Am I statistically more likely to get into a crash because I'm pregnant?

Answer: Well.... no...

Me: Then I guess we're okay then, aren't we?